tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post7973602280343441706..comments2009-11-08T10:52:33.774-05:00The Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-9836387954109361782009-11-08T07:33:31.943-05:002009-11-08T07:33:31.943-05:00WoW what a support group! <br />This is my favorite:) so true for all of us:)<br /><br /><br />&quot;I *should* have learned this lesson via infertility. I thought I did. But apparently, the Holy Spirit has to grab me, tie me down and bang me on the head with cinder blocks to get me to listen.&quot;Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18091295412862220683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-63091552057265593672009-11-08T01:08:35.225-05:002009-11-08T01:08:35.225-05:00Jen, <br /><br />I am an IF&#39;er who made it to the other side. My children are my life.<br /><br />Everyday when I wake up in the morning I have a great plan for the day. And everyday something happens to change that plan, good or bad. One day when I was complaining about all that had &quot;gone wrong&quot; that day to a friend she shared the following with me:<br /><br />Man plans and God laughs.<br /><br />Whenever I start getting upset about things not going my way, I just say that and it helps me put things into perspective.<br /><br />Thinking of you.<br /><br />aAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04092055510260863196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-31705191998447244192009-11-07T14:09:47.311-05:002009-11-07T14:09:47.311-05:00Hi Jen,<br /><br />I just want to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog. <br /><br /> As someone else mentioned, I think your hormones may be to blame. If I remember correctly, you have recently stopped nursing Henry right? I definitely suffered from PMS-like depressioon when I weaned my children. It took a cycle or two before I started feeling better, but I was definitely feeling down and just emotional in general.<br /><br />I will be praying that things work out for you and your family...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-20303555867370897732009-11-07T13:45:32.408-05:002009-11-07T13:45:32.408-05:00Jen, I have no advice. I am in the same boat as you. Mad at my circumstances that I&#39;m a little &quot;stuck&quot; in at the moment. I want desperately to stay home with our boys, but it just isn&#39;t the way it&#39;s too be right now. Maybe someday. I try to cling to that hope. It might never happen. So I try to focus on my boys even more. Do I regret going through all that infertility heartache? Nope, not one bit. If the only way I could have that mental picture of family, is to work full-time, is it worth it? Yes, absolutely. Because the alternative is to be childless and that is something that truly would kill me and our marriage. My life is good. Not ideal, but it&#39;s very good.<br /><br />So all that to say...hang in there. This too shall pass. Circumstances change all the time. Yours are vastly different from 9 months ago. So 9 months from now, it will be even more so.<br /><br />If nothing else...you&#39;re not in this boat alone. You&#39;ve got some pretty good company (me!) if I might say so myself. :-DMonkey Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07976537861843058177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-39683640737321670412009-11-07T12:51:35.149-05:002009-11-07T12:51:35.149-05:00Jen, I love reading your blog. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways, and have a lot of great approaches and coping mechanisms. But you also have a LOT on your plate. <br /><br />The sleep deprivation that often comes with children, combined with work pressures and hormonal shifts, can really cause problems. I think there are some of us, myself included, that live for many years on the edge of needing pharmaceutical intervention, then something like a huge hormonal shift or life changes send us over the edge. <br /><br />Going on Prozac when my older child was six months old was one of the best decisions I made as a mother. It helped me SO MUCH in so manys. We&#39;ve had to up my dose some in times of great sleep deprivation or hormonal change or stress.<br /><br />I&#39;ve also recently started seeing a therapist recommended by my midwife and I think it&#39;s helping a lot. We haven&#39;t begun to work on issues from my childhood that still come back to haunt my ways of thinking now. We are focusing on a lot of coping mechanisms for my life now. Ways to deal with kids or hubby when they are in a state. We&#39;ve discussed things like discipline, how the stress or behavior of others affects me, etc. I struggle with my role as a wife and mother sometimes and really miss being in the workforce. But I know if I was working full-time, I&#39;d be miserable. There wasn&#39;t a good part-time opportunity for me at the moment so I am a SAHM and it&#39;s a big adjustment for everyone. <br /><br />I hope that my sharing will help you to reach out and contact someone you trust to recommend a GOOD therapist that will do well in talking about your issues. Mine deals with PPD and family issues a lot. Perfect for me. Not every therapist will be a good fit and you might have to shop around. But I really think seeing one could help you re-center yourself and have the peace of mind to make huge decisions and feel confident you are making the right decisions. <br /><br />If therapy isn&#39;t an option for you right now, you might consider contacting your pastor about counseling. Are you making it to church much these days? I don&#39;t get the sense of renewal from it that many people do, but I remember reading in your blog about how good it was for you all to go sometimes.Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11657949678045458231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-54770862782938898742009-11-07T11:37:37.761-05:002009-11-07T11:37:37.761-05:00I wasn&#39;t signed in when I left my last comment so I&#39;m not sure it went through. I was just trying to get you to listen to a wonderful song that gets me through good and bad times. It&#39;s called Exactly by Amy Steinberg.<br />Here&#39;s a link to here it<br />http://www.last.fm/music/Amy+Steinberg/_/Exactly<br /><br />I love the whole song and could apply every verse to my life at different points depending on the particular struggle I&#39;m going through.<br />The part that I think applies here is: <br />when i try to fight or run<br />i only wind up back at square one<br />when i think i know what’s best for me<br />fate she takes me back<br />to exactly where i need to be<br />and when i am alone and full of fear<br />i just remember the rising sun always appears<br />everyday miracles, miracles that i see<br />well they take me back<br />they take me back<br />they take me back<br />to exactly where i need to be&quot;Doulalahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10666295386328677891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-38835251225102568432009-11-07T11:27:49.516-05:002009-11-07T11:27:49.516-05:00Please google Exactly by Amy Steinberg. That song gets me through so many days/times when I&#39;m feeling like you are(were). <br />One of my favorite verses from the song is &quot;When I try to fight or run<br />I only wind up back at square one<br />When think I know what’s best for me<br />Fate she takes me back to exactly where I need to be <br />And when i am alone and full of fear<br />I just remember the rising sun always appears<br />Everyday miracles, miracles that I see<br />Well they take me back<br />They take me back<br />They take me back<br />To exactly where I need to be&quot;Doulalahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10666295386328677891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-201919254438134002009-11-07T11:11:47.022-05:002009-11-07T11:11:47.022-05:00Jen, I know people have already commented on your post and they have been really helpful to you. I just can&#39;t get your post out of my mind because...well, because your personality is sort of similar to mine. You are a little bit extreme. You are passionate and you care and you love a lot, but sometimes this trait can also make you lose sight of the big picture. I read your new post and realize that you have gained perspective so I won&#39;t beat a dead horse. <br />My husband and I have two small kids (3 year old girl and 11 month old boy) and while I stay at home with them, my husband goes out in the world and bakes donuts. There were so many days that I resented the fact that he gets to leave the house in the morning, to drink his coffee in his nice car on the way to work while he listens to soothing music. Then he can go to the bathroom during the day without having to plan it out in advance. He can also close his office door and take a deep breath once or twice a day. And now I see him going off to work like this: he is such a wonderful man that husband of mine, for making the SACRIFICE for our family of giving up tons of time with his children that he adores so he can put food on our table. He is doing it for all of us. He is staying on top of his profession, he is a committed, loyal, honest, brilliant, level-headed employee not just because that&#39;s who he is, but because he wants to do his best for all of us. While he is &quot;out there&quot; being his best, I am home doing my best raising our children. We are a team. We do this because we love each other so much that we are all willing to make some sacrifices. There will come a day when this all changes. The kids will be in school and I will be working part-time at the very least. It will alleviate some of the financial burden on us, so I will make the sacrifice of taking on a part-time job even though I&#39;d love nothing more than to stay at home with our kids (and finally enjoy a few hours of silence while they are in school). <br />Jen, your job right now is to provide for your family. You have to be patient. Things will work out for you. You are making a sacrifice, but you have to because you are an adult who has a family. It sounds like your father was not responsible enough and had an affair. He is not you. Don&#39;t run away from your responsibilities. YOu can get mad, but don&#39;t lose sight of what&#39;s important. While you are having to put in long hours, you will miss out on some things in your children&#39;s lives. But try to stay humble and proud (a contradiction I realize) of what you are giving them. it is a little bit about you, but it&#39;s mostly about your whole family. Not just right now, but forever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-20261404830422170272009-11-07T03:43:59.026-05:002009-11-07T03:43:59.026-05:00((((hugs &amp; prayers for peace for you &amp; your family))))Joy Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12746570281283136391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-16629200120661904432009-11-07T01:44:04.724-05:002009-11-07T01:44:04.724-05:00Anon @ 10:17PM ... Re: #2? Yeah. Um. That would be 100% accurate. I almost deleted this post when I realized, today, what time of the month it was. <br /><br />But, in my defense, that just supports how busy I&#39;ve been. I don&#39;t even know what day it is!The Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-47641413553506175362009-11-07T01:17:52.457-05:002009-11-07T01:17:52.457-05:00Jen, two thoughts:<br /><br />1) rent (who says you have to sell to move?)<br />2) PMS (http://www.theamazingtrips.com/2009/07/good-times.html)<br /><br />Not to trivialize these important and very real feelings, but I think you&#39;ll find it will all feel better soon.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-37100997160043175732009-11-06T23:49:47.836-05:002009-11-06T23:49:47.836-05:00Some things are vitally important. Others are not. To avoid a lot of heartache, let issues roll off your back like rain off a duck. Don&#39;t say anything you might regret later on. My 23-year-old daughter&#39;s dear friend was hit by a car last Sunday, and now she is in critical condition and not expected to live, except perhaps in a vegetative state. What is truly important? What do you want your life to mean? What is your lasting message to your family, your friends, and the world? You must have long-range goals to keep you fro being frustrated by short-range failures. so what if your house has lost &quot;value.&quot; It has served you well. so what if the interviews did not result in jobs. do you think you can control the universe? Take a few breaths and do something nice for the people you love. Don&#39;t react when they say things out of frustration. Love yourself. This too, shall pass. Hold on to what you know is precious.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-55251131198884592462009-11-06T23:35:35.817-05:002009-11-06T23:35:35.817-05:00Okay... you don&#39;t know me from Adam, except that I&#39;ve commented on your blog several times before... but I&#39;m worried about you. You seem so smart and interesting and down-to-earth, and like someone I&#39;d want to hang out with if we lived closer or whatever. So... here&#39;s the thing. You probably don&#39;t want to publish this comment. Or maybe you do. But I&#39;m wondering whether you have some bipolar stuff going on. It&#39;s the combination of the super-energy going into some of your projects, and then the lows that you have when things aren&#39;t going well... <br />Maybe it&#39;s just that I have the emotional range of a gnat :-).... highs that are kinda fun, and lows that are a bit of a bummer, but nothing much beyond that most of the time that anyone outside of that who isn&#39;t a teenager has me a bit worried. <br />Anyway... it&#39;s certainly a bummer that you can&#39;t make the move you were hoping to move. I hope things work out well for you guys soon. It&#39;s not the end of the world if your kids have to move school after they start kindergarten.... <br /><br />take care!<br />-AnitaAnitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09310975094601741976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-16668686954594761362009-11-06T23:31:08.291-05:002009-11-06T23:31:08.291-05:00Wow! Your post hit home with me. I could hear so much of the echo of my life in what you were saying. I too feel the anger and the fear that you describe. My parents divorced 2x. Didn&#39;t work the first time, thought they would try it again. Didn&#39;t work that time either. By the time they divorced the 2x, I was 7. All 3 of us children have been affected in one way or another by it. Most probably not so good. But we continue to try and hang in there. My husband and I have 4 beautiful children. We both love each other very much, usually. I know things can be very tough. Especially when you feel you can&#39;t talk to the one you&#39;re supposed to be the most open and giving to. You don&#39;t want to feel like you are nagging or starting a fight but yet you need to get something out there, to be resolved. But you know you can&#39;t open your mouth. I really feel for you. I believe, from what I have read from you in the past, that you and your husband seem strong. Life will throw you lots of curves. You made it through together one of the most straining situations a couple can go through, trying to conceive and not being able to for so long. So many people don&#39;t make it to the point you have pulled through. I truly hope that you both can get back some of what pulled you through that time in your life and use that as your strength again.Kudos 2 U,http://www.blogger.com/profile/02527791277694535417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-20854200843902313912009-11-06T23:19:32.053-05:002009-11-06T23:19:32.053-05:00I&#39;m sorry Jen. It breaks my heart that you are so sad and mad. I would really like to be able to &quot;fix it&quot; for you---you know I would if I could and I will if I can.<br />Hang on! I think God has a plan for you. You have your health and your family---what else do you need?<br />MOMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-2092578013576268572009-11-06T21:40:35.136-05:002009-11-06T21:40:35.136-05:00It seems like uncertainty is in the air right now for everyone. If they say it is not they are in denial:) The media is depressing, the politics are depressing, people are not happy anymore generally every where. Your generation ( and mine) was the start of divorces, imagine what the generations after are carrying. But I firmly believe they will be a stronger people when the going gets rough. And its getting rougher every day. It is a time to circle the wagons with the family and make memories and moments. You of all people are doing that beautifully. You chose Disneyland instead of work for Pete sake, that my friend is a beautiful thing. Just remember everything has a season. It is your season to work right now, it doesn&#39;t mean its forever. Hang in there and I will too:)Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18091295412862220683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-36597135935956733702009-11-06T20:50:45.046-05:002009-11-06T20:50:45.046-05:00Jen, <br /><br />I love your blog. I&#39;ve seriously been a follower for years. I am by no means a &quot;know it all&quot;. I have no idea what you&#39;re going through. I have no answers...just one question.<br /><br />Are you &quot;eating&quot;?<br /><br />You need to be. Once a week. I know you&#39;re tired and work long hours and are completely fried by the end of the day between all that and caring for 4 small children.<br /><br />BUT, I am totally convinced that there HAS to be &quot;eating&quot; in a healthy marriage. <br /><br />I am offering no answers...just a suggestion.<br /><br />Laura <br />Your friend from OhioAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-84791249335654166342009-11-06T20:04:45.549-05:002009-11-06T20:04:45.549-05:00Oh, I can&#39;t imagine what a tough time you&#39;re going through - I didn&#39;t go through divorce as a child, but my family wasn&#39;t super close, and I always wanted kids early, too - it was hard to wait just 16 months on my end, so I imagine it was much harder with all you went through. I think therapy might be a good idea, honey- keeping our marriages strong is the best thing we can do for our little ones. I&#39;m sorry things aren&#39;t working out the way you were planning...I&#39;ll be thinking of you &amp; praying for your family.Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10702958291049563341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-6938567051230547192009-11-06T19:29:31.995-05:002009-11-06T19:29:31.995-05:00Jen, I love how you capture everything that I&#39;m thinking or have thought, and write it so precisely on your blog. Sometimes it&#39;s eerie how parallel our situations are - living away from all our family, having multiples, wanting a career, but really wanting to be home with my kids...yadda, yadda, yadda. All I can say is &quot;Amen Sista, I feel the same way.&quot;jill jonesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-17521933150380008152009-11-06T17:08:06.780-05:002009-11-06T17:08:06.780-05:00Jen. Just quit. Quit. Drop out. I am giving you permission to go make cookies and fold dollar bills. You can do it. You guys have some money, right? It will all work out. Charlie will get a job and you will make cookies. You will move. It will be okay. Deep breath. It&#39;s just not going to happen tomorrow, but it will happen.Michele Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15061520456909635254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-11638570968611958922009-11-06T16:36:02.426-05:002009-11-06T16:36:02.426-05:00It&#39;s ok to be mad and/or scared. I think we call this &quot;anxiety&quot;. I was there as a first year teacher and didn&#39;t know it till I almost passed out at work. My teammates sent me home to the Dr. It was not a fun time in our house. I finally accepted that I needed some extra help (and yes, it included meds and counseling). But ultimately, I found healthy ways to cope without those things. I can&#39;t tell you what will work for you. But I can pray for some peace and calm in your life. Don&#39;t forget-sooner or later that window will open and it will be the right time.Tarihttp://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552030626&ref=name#noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-70995463555372867372009-11-06T16:00:45.987-05:002009-11-06T16:00:45.987-05:00Hang in there Jen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-9071971159919534982009-11-06T15:55:24.964-05:002009-11-06T15:55:24.964-05:00*HUGS*Barefoot_Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02570052669027349279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-45829928839603923712009-11-06T15:18:08.277-05:002009-11-06T15:18:08.277-05:00Jen-<br />Please call me this weekend... when you get a chance... Love you!Geologychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05326271846932273163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-51426055728726004202009-11-06T15:14:15.323-05:002009-11-06T15:14:15.323-05:00Oh girl, BREATHE. Your kids get you or your husband. Not a daycare facility or a nanny, YOU or your HUSBAND. As a person that grew up in a household with two working parents and a steady stream of babysitters (including one that came back with her boyfriend and robbed us blind after firing her because she left me and my 2-year-old brother in the bathtub and went next door to talk to a neighbor) I can attest to how wonderful it is that ONE of you is staying home with the munchkins. That is HUGE.<br /><br />Keep looking for jobs back East. When the time is right, you&#39;ll move. Keep working towards it. Who knows? Charlie may find a job that pays more and who cares how much you lose on the house (or you could rent it out until the market gains its footing back)<br /> <br />And honey? If you marriage survived fertility treatments, it will survive this. Charlie sounds like good people, as do you.Mama DBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04490578614214219045noreply@blogger.com